By: Dennis Suubi
School Outreach!!! Perhaps your asking why school outreach. Well am sure everyone on the outreach team has their testimony. I will tell you mine.
When I was a teenager I struggled with identity, asking myself “who am i?”, “what am I good at?”, “what should I improve on?” And many other identity related questions. In my O-level, a couple of friends and i loved and played soccer, it wasn’t the only game at school but I personally was drawn more to soccer than anything else. I wasn’t really exceptional at it actually many of my friends where better than me. I was just a guy who can kick the ball that’s it at least that’s what I felt. It bothered me a bit considering I loved soccer. This left the question “’WHAT AM I REALLY GOOD AT?” still lingering in my mind.
In Form 2 and Form 3 I decided to pay much more attention to academia. It actually paid off I was excelling in class not once, not twice it was more of a habit. So I believed academia was my portion the ‘’WHAT AM I GOOD AT?” question was finally answered. Little did I know that in Form 3 third term, I would hit a slab. I lost my academia touch. I didn’t drastically lose it but I wasn’t as excelling as I used to anymore. Guess what I was back to that haunting place “WHAT AM I GOOD AT?”. Am not sure I can express how frustrated I felt.
As I drowned in my frustration, it was around that time that puberty had begun to kick in (mine was a bit late I guess) and now I noticed girls more than I ever noticed. A few of my friends already had girlfriends and anybody who had a girlfriend carried some respect or prestige for lack of a better word. I personally thought that was so cool! And I wanted that. So I decided why not give it a shot considering I had already sighted a girl that interested me. So I came up with how to make my approach and when I felt ready I pursued, to cut the long story short she turned me down. It didn’t hit me hard because I felt like may be there a few buttons I pressed that I shouldn’t have. Instead it got me encouraged to polish up my moves. Guess what another girl comes along now I make my much improved approach and stillllllll am turned down. That hit me hard. I mean being turned down by two girls in the same school made me wonder how much of a laughing stalk I was in the girls’ dormitory. What consoled me was the fact that final O-level exams where nearing so I focused on academia and waited for the much anticipated day when I would finally leave that school.
A-level was a new school, new friends and an opportunity to turn a new page. I got my swag back in academia I was topping those charts mehn!!! Though again it didn’t last very long. I met Trinity (not her real name) got to know her and after a while i decided that I wanted to be more than friends. In my mind I was sure that rejection was not the cards. I knew at the very least she would ask to think about it. To my stunning surprise, Trinity turned me down. Now that hit me really really hard. Not only because she turned me down but also the fact that my self-esteem was battered. I drowned in depression with nagging questions like “what’s wrong with me?”, “why can’t I get anything right?”, “how come am never good enough? “
That’s when pornography slipped through the cracks and caught my attention how strategic the devil was. In all honesty that first few times I watched pornography I asked myself “where have I been all my life” because it had a pleasurable appeal that nothing else in life could offer at that time. It became my fortress and an addiction.
In Form 6 vacation, Trinity came around and now we were dating. Now you think all my problems are now solved, not by any chance. I thought having the fine girlfriend I always longed for would be the beginning of a perfect life. I clearly thought wrong. There was nothing wrong with Trinity but she didn’t bring fulfillment to me she just didn’t, there was always something I wanted more and because of that emptiness I always run back to pornography especially when I was stressed and downcast or disappointed.
Later in that very Form 6 vacation, I got saved but for the wrong reasons. I wanted God to respond without hesitation to my demands but we all know that that’s not how God operates. As I grew more and more in my walk with God, I came to the realization that you don’t go seeking for what God has for you but you seek Him. Take your eyes off yourself and fix them on God and he will direct your path. I realized I was selfish the whole time always thinking about what I want, how I want to feel, wanting what others have, blah blah blahhh, blah I could go on and on. it was just me me me me meee. Life is not just about me, it’s about God first and others. That’s where the fulfillment is because when you take your eyes off yourself it doesn’t matter whether you have or you don’t have ,whether you’re the most successful or not, whether you’re the best or not the best , whether you are in abundance or lack you will always find peace, content, appreciation ,rest and joy. How I wish I knew all this when I was a teenager. But since I know it now why should I not share this knowledge, this discovery with the teenagers. May be their many that have identity issues at school right now going through what I went through so how can i sit back and just watch. That’s just plain selfish. When a good man does nothing, evil will triumph. That’s why I do Outreach.
My name Suubi Dennis I am the team leader for the outreach team that goes to Taibah International School.